Reflection, as I sit this morning I think of the themes that circle in my life as we all walk into a new year. I love the idea of starting over, whether it is in the morning as your feet first touch the ground or as the year and the decade turns over.
Many of the people who visit my office are at a transition point in their lives, something has changed or they want change. I also find myself in transition as the new year begins.
Transitions are messy and unknown. We do not have the answers, there is no certainty, and the path we are on is not clear. We are not accustomed to this mess in our lives. We live in a time where we do not see messiness anywhere. In a world of social medial and good markets and highly educated people the messiness is keep in the dark corners of our society
We have developed the overwhelming need go towards perfectionism. It is when we are busy, competent and “in control” that we think we will relax. That is misleading. Control is an illusion and thinking that competency or “success” leads to relaxation and happiness is even more misleading. Control is only comforted by more control. Fear and anxiety take over as rigid thoughts and rules become what we trust.
Trust. That is the next theme that has become as loud as a toddler’s tantrum. In our perfectionism we trust nobody but ourselves to get the job done. It is part of the reason we are exhausted and cannot rest. We have stopped the practice of releasing and we hold onto our lives and relationships with a death grip.
Richard Rohr wrote in a meditation, that our prayer should be for clarity to live without certainty. To have clarity we absolutely need to know ourselves, ALL the parts, and ALL the mess. Life is messy sometimes. The great religions of the world all all talk about struggle. We will never live a life on earth that is free from pain.
The implication is that we have the wisdom to lead us to where we need to go. That if we can listen to ourselves and to the world around us we will receive what we need in our lives. That the teachers, the mentors, the love, the job, and the answers will all present themselves.
This idea of trusting in our divine world is not easy, especially when we have been let down. Our brains recount all the times the world was cold or uncaring, this is a survival skill and we think it protects us. However, what we fail to recognize are all the times someone or something showed up just when we needed it most. The times things did not go wrong but instead really turned a significant corner, going in a better direction.
My challenge to you for the start of this year is to look for your moments when the world really shows up for you. The moments people or experiences come into your life and offer you just what you need in that moment. Trust. Stop holding on so tight, let go a little and trust.